All quotes are from NOTE TO SELF by Connor Franta.
1. They say the truth will set you free, but what they neglect to mention is what happens when the truth isn’t what you want to hear.
2. I’ll just say about anything that comes to mind. Anything. So don’t try me. I’ll let my mind spill its contents like a cup with no lid, whether those contents are applicable to the moment or not. I’ll dish it all.
3. Growing up and discovering independence brings with it the realization that this world is not all cotton candy and giggles.
4. When we let go of our security blankets and stand on our own two feet—being accountable, minimizing negative consequences, and navigating life’s everyday challenges on our own—the more we see society’s true colors, and the more we become aware of what really goes on behind seemingly perfect but staged scenes: the social masks we all wear, the brave fronts we put up, and the curated personas that don’t align with who we truly are.
5. It’s through the universal experiences of life that we can all connect and relate to each other.
6. The only way to climb out of the pits I sometimes find myself in is through the guidance and assistance of others. Our words, our firsthand experiences, our shared truths can form ladders. And bring hope to others.
7. This is life: confusing, difficult, stressful, filled with heightened emotions and irrational actions and decisions. We don’t always mean what we say, and we don’t always say what we believe.
8. Each and every one of us experiences the human condition. That is our great equalizer, our common ground, our reason for empathy. We live in a curative space of perfection, especially in today’s world.
9. When I lost myself in the moment, time lost itself to my joy. And, to me, these moments are what life is all about.
10. The world is filled with happy places, but sometimes I forget to look for them or fail to see that I’m already in a happy place.
11. It’s impossible to recreate an experience exactly, especially one of such significance. No single experience can ever be the same or bring out the same emotional response.
12. I’ll keep moving forward because standing still is not an option. You don’t find your happy places in life without putting one foot in front of the other.
13. Emotions are the single most relatable thing out there. They represent a kind of unspoken bond that we share but, for some reason, are often reluctant to acknowledge.
14. Everyone knows what it’s like to be happy, sad, angry, or frustrated, and most of us can probably pinpoint a time when we felt those emotions the strongest. Sure, we experience them at different levels of intensity; my worst day will be completely different from yours. But we can identify with what someone is going through. And we can empathize with one another—that’s how we relate to each other.
15. Life is a feeling experience. All of us, no matter who we are or where we come from, feel something on some level. Acknowledge and accept that fact, and it becomes comforting. It means none of us is alone.
16. My struggle, my pain, my grief, my despair, my tears—they’re not uncommon. They’re shared. And once something is shared, it loses its isolating potential. That’s something I’ve come to realize—once I understood that I’m experiencing something that millions of others have endured before, and are enduring at the same time, it somehow makes it feel less frightening, less heavy, less individual.
17. Nowadays, when life starts to feel like a little too much, and when a certain emotion overwhelms me, I remind myself that I’m not the only person to ever feel this way.
18. No one is alone, however scary a feeling might be. And good people will be there for one another. The only difference behind one feeling or the next is the story behind it, but explaining that story lightens the load and does wonders in helping to ease the pain.
19. Once the innocence was wiped clean from my eyes, I saw life for what it is: complicated.
20. Your life has been a silent struggle; a roller coaster in the dark, sending you in directions that you least expect, and jerking you from side to side. And then, just as you see light at the end of the tunnel, you spiral back down into the abyss and keep on twirling and twisting in endless circles.
21. The train tracks are taking you places that you didn’t think you’d go, so try to sit back and let the ride commence. Don’t fight it; enjoy it. On the way, you’ll entertain doubts and wonder what the hell you’re doing. Rest assured, these years—this inexplicable journey—will shape your future and, more importantly, your character, for the better and the best.
22. Trust in yourself because, more often than not, you’ll be the only one who believes in your vision. Others will see what you do, but they might not see it so readily. They just need time. Don’t let them slow you down. Don’t let ANYONE slow you down. Stay on track. Stay true to your vision.
23. You’ll have to learn how to see the world, not just look at it. This will be your greatest tool, and the only way you’ll be able to find your place in the world.
24. People say our teenage years are the most difficult years, and that’s most definitely true.
25. You’ve convinced yourself that “different” equals “broken;” that you are broken. Unfixable. A misfit toy that must be repaired or, better yet, trashed. To the naked eye you look fine, but under the microscope you are flawed. But I’ll let you in on a little secret: no one else is looking through that microscope but you. Not a single other person is fixating on the things you magnify in your own mind. It’s all in your head, so ease up on yourself and slow down with all the worrying.
26. Everyone else is doing what you’re doing but in different ways, with different hang-ups, and with a different microscope. Everyone thinks their monsters are visible to the world, but they’re not—they’re figments of our overblown imaginations, warped projections of our own self-image. Once you stop seeing them, they’ll fully disappear.
27. Everything is going to turn out just fine; not perfect, but okay.
28. It hurts to think poorly of yourself, doesn’t it? You start to believe yourself, allowing the sadness to eat away at you from the inside until you’re hollowed-out shell. I think the mind needs to know its weaknesses before it can appreciate its strengths.
29. Being “different” is okay. Your unique qualities—which you don’t appreciate yet—will be your source of greatness in the future. They make you who you are for the better, not the worst. You’re built in a special way, but that doesn’t make you broken, worthless, or expendable. It makes you, you. And that’s wonderful. Believe in yourself. What a cliché, but it’s a phrase that packs a sucker punch of sincerity.
30. There will always be someone better, but that’s not for you to focus on. You’re not the smartest—that’s for her. You’re not that fastest—that’s for him. You’re not the most successful—that’s for them. But you know what? You’re the greatest that you can be—and that’s for you.
31. Everyone possesses a unique set of skills and contributes different kinds of qualities to this planet, including you. No one is your particular blend of smart, kind, thoughtful, expressive, creative, empathetic, and driven. You’ll see that one day. You’re a bud covered in snow in the garden of your mind.
32. Relationships are hard to come by, so maintain the ones you have with care and consideration. Love your loved ones. They’re easily the best part of living.
33. Do what you want to do. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone will laugh? At WHAT? You enjoying yourself? That’s messed up on THEIR part. Not yours. Don’t hold back on what makes you happy just because you fear it will make someone else uncomfortable. The more you tell yourself “no,” the more normalized it becomes and the more you become separated from the real you.
34. You’ll be happy one day. You’ll be the you that your instincts always knew you could be. Take comfort in knowing that it will happen and better yet, you will make it happen. Take the pressure off yourself a little. Relax and just…be.
35. Sometimes the quiet ones are yelling on the inside.
36. Confront your greatest fears. Voice your biggest problems. Acknowledge your tiniest issues. The longer you stay silent, the louder they become. They won’t disappear if you ignore them, they will spread and affect all aspects of your life.
37. I am terrified by far-fetched outcomes that my mind invents: the non-reality/imagined outcomes/things that are highly unlikely to happen.
38. Anything can happen at any moment, in an instant, for better or worse, and I can choose to either consciously live in fear of the unknown or melt into life’s warm embrace.
39. Fear is in the eye of the beholder, and not everyone sees it the same way. You can either live life curled up in a ball, fearful of what’s around the corner, or you can turn that corner with your head held high.
40. So much of our story as human beings is up for interpretation. So much of what goes on can be looked at from multiple perspectives.
41. Don’t fear being afraid.
42. WHY. IS. EVERYONE. IN. SUCH. A. DAMN. HURRY? Why the constant rush? Why are people always running late? Who will die if that email isn’t answered in moving traffic? Can’t we sit down, breathe, and enjoy a minor pause for, like, two minutes?
43. I feel as though time has increasingly become like currency in today’s world, and everyone around me seems to be going broke, spending it at warp speed. A mass poverty of patience is leading to everyone giving less attention to the things that really matter: being present in the moment, actively participating in social interactions without distractions from our devices, and actually listening to one another. Really listening. Our busyness—or rather, our perception of busyness—is a form of self-robbery that drives me crazy.
44. ‘Too busy’ is a damn lie. Everyone is busy. Everyone has work to do. But there are twenty-four hours in a day. Yes, work is important, and yes, it’s inevitable that a large chunk of our time gets chewed up by our professional obligations, but I’ll guarantee this: the 168 hours everyone is given every week are not being fully utilized.
45. The world seems to move at an alarming rate nowadays. Meals can be delivered to us in seconds, everything is now payable via the swipe of a plastic card or the tap of a smartphone, work hours seem to bleed into free time, and we all can be reached at any hour of the day because we can’t seem to put down our technology for more than a second. That list alone stresses me out. But it’s a reality. We now live in a world of “GO, GO, GO” instead of “Let’s cook a nice family meal, sit down, talk about our feelings, and communicate as a family/friends.” You know, like we did twenty years ago.
46. Our devices are walls we carry around with us. These devices are meant to connect us, but in some ways they’re barriers to communication and connection, especially with the people we spend our real lives with.
47. In unplugging from my technology dependency and refusing to cite the “too busy” excuse, I have discovered more lightbulb moments, realizations, and helpful insights about myself and the world around me. It’s almost like I’m dating myself and, in order to get to know me better, I need to spend more unplugged time with me. I like to think that this is how I’ll grow: by stepping out of the blur and into more clarity.
48. The world will keep going. The planet will keep revolving. Life will go on. But along the way, even when feeling harried or overwhelmed, try to remember to take a little time out…for others, and for you.
49. Life is an infinite loop of uncontrollable events. We wake up to them, we fall asleep to them, we’re powerless to stop them, and we fall to our knees at their whim. It’s just how it is. But you know what? That’s okay.
50. It freaks me out how much control we DON’T have. When you think about it, we can’t regulate anything outside ourselves, and, to be honest, we can’t even regulate ourselves. We live in that infinite loop, and there is no other choice but to find peace with it.
51. With age comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes an acceptance of uncertainty, especially as each of us moves blindly through the darkness of adulthood.
52. The beauty of existence is the journey from beginning to end.
53. There will forever be unexpected complications along every pathway.
54. “I can’t believe they’re making us STAND this long!” said a lady in six-inch heels. Who are these people? what throne do they sit on? IT’S A FREAKIN’ LINE. NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. No one can do anything about this, so why are they complaining as if they can? It’s totally and completely out of our control. Why waste the energy? We’re all going to get through when we get through, and that’s how it is. Relax.
55. Instead of becoming flustered or stressed about a delay or a time-sensitive situation, ask yourself this: “Can I do anything to fix this?” No? Okay then. Wait, breathe, and nine times out of ten, it will fix itself. Note to self: it pays to be patient.
56. Most of us will never fully be able to accept that we have no control. Most of us like to labor under the idea that we are in control of our environments, and maybe we are, to a certain extent. But when events outside of our control start to unfold, we can always remind ourselves of the true situation. You can’t fix what has already been messed up. Sometimes—well, most times—you need to roll with life’s punches and let go. Just let it go.
57. Your brain might frequently speak with uncertainty, but your heart will lead you to your truth.
58. We were given a heart for a reason (aside from the whole “It keeps us alive” thing): to feel our way through life. I’m not even sure we’re meant to think our way through our days, ongoing problems, and big-picture issues. The mind is there to weigh options, to process the pros and cons, and to filter thoughts in the moment. But real decision-making is best conducted through the heart.
59. The heart speaks truth with crystal clarity. It somehow knows the answers to life’s most difficult obstacles.
60. The heart is different. It’s pure. Unfiltered. Unbiased. It knows nothing but fact. There is only one reality for it to face and only one light in the path of darkness. The heart is naturally wise.
61. There’s a huge difference between wanting to be with another person and wanting to spend your life with that person—the difference between a crush and love.
62. Before you can know heartbreak, you must have someone break your heart.
63. Heartbreak isn’t unique—it’s universal. It’s a vulnerability that we all experience and understand, or will one day come to understand.
64. According to all the stories, “young love doesn’t last.” They say there’s so much love out there in the world that we should experience a little of it before settling down. I don’t know about that. Just because that’s how it is for a lot of people doesn’t mean that’s how it must be for everyone, right? Apparently not.
65. As much as people talk about love, you also hear about heartbreak constantly; to be honest, you probably hear about it more. Pain is the other side of the same coin. It is both the presence and the absence of love; the residual feeling when the physical relationship is over, lingering like a stinging wound that won’t close up.
66. “We” doesn’t exist anymore. “We” are now separate people. And it’s that separation that feels unbearable.
67. People don’t realize the daily power they have to make others happy. All it takes is a few kind words, delivered without expectation. It’s not much, honestly. Giving someone a compliment or slight encouragement is the one thing any of us can do, at any time. It’s free, it’s easy, and, boy, can it do the world wonders.
68. In a world that appears to indulge in negativity, I find we need to do our best to share the good.
69. Rarely does anyone have anything nice to say anymore. It’s a playground of sore shut-ins bitching and gossiping, where people drag others down for their own twisted entertainment. And the danger of this online activity is that it spills over into real life.
70. Good people do exist, even if most of them are not known to the wider public and live their lives under the radar.
71. We have enough badness in the real world without adding to it in the virtual one, and we need to remember that we’re capable of projecting goodness. We need to spread love, kindness, and empathy to the masses. At the end of the day, we’re all humans, with hang-ups and unknown struggles and insecurities we face daily, silently. Think about that, and be aware that we are all this way. It’s not just you and not just me. Everyone has baggage. Pause for a second and think something nice to say instead of indulging in pointless negativity.
72. You’ll walk a little taller for simply speaking up, no strings attached, no ifs, ands, or buts.
73. Let’s never forget our good days; we should string them together like pearls on a necklace, to be treasured and remembered whenever days don’t make us feel as good. I think that sometimes it’s the memory of simple, ordinary, happy days that sustains us. The ones without expectation, that come with no strings attached. The ones that stand out for blending in, and can be appreciated for that reason alone. What a good day that was.
74. Matters of geography don’t erase matters of the heart, soul, and mind. No matter your mental state, and no matter the amount of distance you put between you and your problems, leaving rarely solves anything. Problems follow us to locations; they travel with us to all corners of the earth like a permanently attached carry-on. No one can outrun a difficult time or emotion.
75. The only way to crack a real problem is to face it. Look your issues in the eyes and sort out the beef between you.
76. In putting so much distance between myself and “home,” I discovered that I was ready to face my reality and look into the whites of its eyes. Things weren’t going to get better magically; they were going to take time and effort. And I had to do this for me. My heart can’t mend until I apply the Band-Aids. My mind won’t clear until I get rid of the baggage. My self-love and appreciation won’t return unless I work toward remembering why I’m great as an individual. My worth is not defined by others; it can only be defined by me.
77. Life is about finding new paths and connections, and figuring out the twists and turns and ups and downs as you go, encountering all the roadblocks along the way.
78. It’s strange to think we’re brought up in a world that judges us for putting ourselves first. Somehow, to think of ourselves first and others second has come to sound so incredibly selfish. How unfair! How misguided! Because here’s what I’ve learned: you have to make YOU a priority and think in terms of what’s good for yourself and your higher interests. The older you get, the less other people are going to make you a priority. You must speak up for yourself, because everyone else is doing the same. Being selfless shouldn’t mean self-sacrificing, in the same way that being selfish shouldn’t mean being self-absorbed.
79. We all have to take care of ourselves first and foremost before helping others. Instead of thinking of an action as selfish, with all the negative connotations that this word carries, I view it more positively as “looking after myself.”
80. Common sense will tell me when I need to make another person the priority.
81. To be yourself you must know yourself.
82. It’s a feeling of being trapped in a dark, hazy room with no glowing EXIT sign in sight. The sad thing is that I still find it difficult to understand and express to this day. You can try to articulate the mood and flesh out what it is, but it’s never fully accurate. Just know this: I’m not me when I’m depressed. I’m somebody else.
83. Most people don’t understand the distinction between depression and sadness, though they’re two completely different things. Sadness isn’t synonymous with depression; depression is so much deeper than sadness. It’s hopelessness. It’s despair. It’s not something that you can simply pull yourself out of, like a bad mood that will quickly pass if you distract yourself long enough. Sadness is a mood. Depression is an illness.
84. That’s the thing that few understand about depression: It grips you to the point where you don’t feel, can’t think, and aren’t motivated. Sometimes, you feel as though you can’t even function. It holds you in abeyance, keeping you hovering over the edge. It doesn’t matter if you have a good relationship with family or friends, or if you’re rich or poor; depression doesn’t respect such things. Depression isn’t necessarily a symptom of growing up in a bad home or having a bad childhood.
85. It’s okay to not take on the world alone, and to have another person share the weight with you.
86. No one will judge you or view you differently for being vulnerable, because they, too, have once been there themselves in some shape or form.
87. Instead of going into isolation with your depression and giving it power over your thoughts, give voice to what you’re feeling. Let someone lend you an ear, and lay it all on your listener.
88. You doubtlessly feel overwhelmed by a flood of bleak, negative thoughts washing over you in a continuous cycle, pulling you into a downward spiral, telling you, You’re worthless. You have no purpose. You’re no good. You. Are. Pointless. Do not believe these thoughts. It’s not you talking; it’s something else. A thought doesn’t reflect reality; it dissolves as quickly as it arrives…unless you fuel it.
89. A positive thought can be planted just as quickly as a negative one arrives, and they both come from the same place—the mind.
90. You do have worth. You do have a purpose. You are loved. You are wanted. And should your self-doubt creep up and scoff at you and say, “No, I’m not,” know that this is your depression trying to keep you in a negative loop. Don’t give it that power. Don’t be fooled by your own mind. Counter it with the positive. You have control over your thoughts; thoughts do not have control over you. They’re like little dirt specks on the windshield of life that you simply need to wipe away. There will be more—they will keep coming, sometimes relentlessly—but you will wash those clean as well.
91. You know that positivity exists—you only have to sift through the rubble a bit.
92. Some people want to avoid feeling too much out of what I presume to be fear that they won’t like what comes afterward.
93. Therapy turns on every light inside so that we’re better equipped to navigate our way through the challenges of life, relationships, and careers.
94. Whether you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, a loss, a breakup, or even annoying friend who bugs the shit out of you every other day, it’s perfectly normal to seek a professional’s guidance.
95. Talking about certain struggles actually does help untangle them.
96. Improving our mental health is one of the most important investments we can make.
97. I would love to live in a world that does not stigmatize mental illness or shame people for seeking help regarding their mental health. Our minds are the most precious part of ourselves. It’s truly where we reside, and maintaining that important piece of ourselves is worth so much.
98. Life has a funny way of coming full circle. It tends to push us in the direction we need to go, sowing seeds that might not bear fruit until years down the line. We’re being introduced to the right people, situations, experiences, and opportunities all the time, whether we realize it or not. We need to soak up those moments and preserve them.
99. None of us knows what the future holds. Indeed, many futures can feel like a massive unfinished puzzle, with all the pieces jumbled up and scattered across the table.
100. Have faith in yourself and what you’re doing, keep on trekking, and trust that everything will fall into place. It’s okay not to know where you’re headed, so long as you keep moving forward. Just pick up the pieces along the way, accrue knowledge, keep learning, and keep going. The worst thing you can do is stop and stagnate. Eventually, you’ll reach a place in your life where you’ll stop, glance over your shoulder, see the completed circle, and finally understand the reason why your journey took you down a strange path.
101. When our identity is so wrapped up with that of another, the risk that we all take is losing who we are as an individual within that relationship.
102. In all relationships, we also need to ensure we never lose sight of who we are as individuals—our own interests, our own time, our own friends, and our own sense of self—in the process. You can’t lose sight of yourself and only see somebody else. That tunnel vision will blindside you at some point.
103. Each time we allow ourselves to fall, we learn a little more and grow a little wiser.
104. You can’t change for somebody and you can’t change somebody for you.
105. Why are we never comfortable with our age? Kids want to be adults, and adults want to be kids. During our teenage years, we want to stop being treated like children; we want to be taken seriously. And, from what I’ve observed of older generations, they’d do anything to be carefree and young once again, freed of the burdensome responsibilities. Maybe that’s what we do: wish our youth away, and then pine for it once we understand how challenging adulthood can be. It seems to be a constant battle of wanting what we can’t have and not fully appreciating what we do.
106. Life doesn’t get easier the older you get. Don’t waste your youth trying to grow up. Because there will come a time when all you’ll do is yearn for the kind of naiveté, blissful ignorance, and responsibility-free days that cushion our younger years.
107. Screw-ups are meant to happen; they teach us about right and wrong and, hopefully, build a constant reminder of “rights” for our futures.
108. The bane of this generation’s existence will be its instant and constant access to everything.
109. We’re so conditioned to our fast-lane living that we think it’s normal to have everything we need or desire available to us at the click of a button, at any hour. It seems like a total and utter miracle to have the world at the actual tips of our fingers, and it is! But at what cost? While the advancement of technology is an amazing thing, and it helps make our lives more convenient in many ways, I worry that this constantly connected, always-online, dependent-on-apps reality is going to turn us into a lazy, entitled, almost diva-like generation.
110. How ironic that in an ever-connected technological world that’s all about advancement, we’re becoming less connected as people, too wrapped up in our never-offline lives, putting us at risk of dehumanizing ourselves in our hunger for the quick fix and the must-have.
111. The more you personally reinforce the negative things you think about yourself, the more of a reality they become, and the more truth they appear to have.
112. Confidence is something we can all wear. It can be learned and acquired over time. Confident people were not born confident. Like any skill, they were taught how to be.
113. None of us can transform our personalitites overnight.
114. The more we work on a trait that we wish to develop, the stronger it gets, like a muscle. The more we believe something about ourselves, the more we reprogram our thinking. The more we dwell on the positive, the less the negative can touch us.
115. No one can tell you who you should be. You need to be the person you want to be. You are, quite simply, who you want to be. Think it. Own it. Be it. And you can. For you.
116. People always seem to want to know about your future while overlooking your present. One question I’m frequently asked is, “Well, where do you think you’ll be in five years?” Hell, even if I thought about it really hard, I couldn’t tell you what I want to do one year from now. In fact, I don’t even know what I’m having for dinner.
117. My reality cannot conform to people’s fantasies, or their need to know what the future holds.
118. Age might relieve many things, but it doesn’t ease our discomfort with uncertainty. The mind seeks clarity, but our souls prefer to wander into ambiguity. It’s OKAY to not know your future. It’s acceptable to have no idea what you want to do. Don’t let anyone trick you into thinking otherwise.
119. If the “successful.” “happy,” and “healthy” boxes are checked, I’m okay with whatever I’m doing and wherever I am in the world.
120. Let none of us be fooled into thinking we need to know what the future holds. Everyone’s been brainwashed into thinking they know or should know. We’ll be all right if we simply keep moving forward. Next time someone asks about your five-year plan, maybe shrug your shoulders and admit, “I don’t know—I’m happy to see where life takes me.”
121. The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.
122. We see our true selves in moments when we’re not trying so hard to impress and be liked.
123. Often, the reflection of ourselves is best seen in the “mirror” that a friend, relative, or stranger holds up.
124. I’ve been thinking about self-perception and how much of it is actually a reality versus a fantasy, a self-delusion. We all have a belief about who we are; there is always the story we tell ourselves. But HOW do any of us truly know the answer? I fear that most people, if asked, would just tell us what we want to hear; it would all be nice and complimentary, but probably not honest. People tend to be too polite, even when asked to be otherwise.
125. Politeness often blocks honesty. That seems to be the way of the world. Nobody wants to be the one who tells a person some uncomfortable, perhaps unflattering, home truths. You’d be pretty twisted to enjoy being that kind of messenger.
126. Who we are, what makes us tick, and what’s in our highest and best interests comes into sharp focus…if we’re willing to look inward.
127. Forget all the things that don’t matter and focus instead on what you or someone else is going through. Because what they’re going through, and how they emerge from that experience, tells you exactly who they are. That’s what makes them them.
128. In suffering, you’ve found a greater understanding and appreciation for all of life’s wonders.
129. Pain is love and love is pain. It’s all oddly necessary—and nothing is permanent.
130. I hope you better understand that others can add to your well-being but they can’t create it. You, and the happiness you cultivate within, are all you have, from beginning to end. Everything else is a chapter of an unknown length.
131. Everything is always fine in the end, if you will it to be. I’m not naive enough to ignore the inevitability that things will go south again at some point. That’s life. It’s shitty, but it’s consistently inconsistent. I refuse to live in fear of slipping on banana peels and falling into pits—sometimes, it’s for our own good. Each experience will shape me into a damn good human being.
132. Keep striving for your goals, marching forward, and pursuing your passions. That’s where your happiness lies.
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